foresabaly:

laughingsquid:

Lesser Known Uses For Portals

Why I need a portal gun. Better steal it from Santa.

Fuck man. You guys think too little. I’d be shooting a portal to the wall next to me and a portal into the kitchen and getting my self a motherfucking drink from the fridge while sitting on the god damn couch without moving a muscle. I’d do it again, to cook on the STOVE while sitting on the couch, never once leaving the living room. I’d shoot a portal here and then upstairs and roleplay with Shrine in my bedroom without ever leaving the LIVING ROOM. I’d shoot a portal right outside as I let my dog out so she falls through and comes out in the front yard so I can make her piss FASTER so we can go to bed faster. Bitches, I’d be shooting a portal to the roof from the ground so I don’t have to get on a ladder to dust the rafters 10 feet above me in my house. Bitch, I’d be portaling around a client’s house to do the paint job a fuck ton easier, and THEN, I’d stand in the middle of a walmart and shoot at aisles to bring them closer to ME rather than ME to THEM. Then I’d portal the conveyer belt so the cashier never gets to cash my items and people get pissy behind me, and then I’d portal myself a fucking hole in the claw machine so I can get my fluffy fucking dog. I’d make a portal on my heater to put the heat somewhere else in the house, and MAN. GOD FORBID YOU PUT ME IN AN ART STORE. SHOPLIFTING BUSINESSES WOULD BE MY DUTY.

(Source: assorted-goodness)